Teens & Cell Phones--Parents Make the Call

Another youth article I've written for Your LDS Neighborhood looks at the latest parent dilemma--cell phones for teens. Not your average pioneer problem!

Teens & Cell Phones
Parents Make the Call

Ask any group of teenagers if they should own cell phones, and the guaranteed reply is a loud YES! Ask a group of parents the same question, and the answer might not be quite so positive.

Parents think of high telephone bills, stranger danger, wasting time, and yet another hurdle in the way of family bonding. Recent events at a Junior High school in Farmington, Utah, didn’t help the teen argument, either. Explicit photos found on one child’s phone were publicly circulated, and action taken against the students.

I hope the following information clarifies the picture a little, so moms and dads can make informed judgments about cells for teens, and understand safety rules and how to make them work.

I asked our son, his wife, and our fourteen-year-old grand-daughter, for their opinions. Their family communicates and respects each other’s views. They have come to an agreement that works for all because each acknowledges there are benefits to cell phones, and neither parent wants to see their daughter on the wrong side of the latest ‘digital divide.’

Here are some things my son’s family discovered:

• Safety: Help for a stranded or endangered child is only a phone call away. Our son also uses a GPS (Global Positioning System—a satellite-based navigation system made up of a network of 24 satellites placed into orbit by the U.S. Department of Defense) Family Locater tracking device provided by Sprint.

With this device, as long as the cell is switched on, and the cell operator gives permission, a parent can pinpoint a child’s location any time of day or night. Great peace of mind.

• Family Communication: Without rules, cell phones can disrupt family life, causing rifts as communication breaks down between siblings and parents. It’s not always the teens who are the culprits. Parents are also guilty of answering calls during meal time, and after hours when the household is trying to sleep.

A few simple rules can resolve this problem. Cells switched off during meals; cells left in the family room, switched off, at bed time; and switched off during any family activity.

• Texting: This has become more the norm than actual talking. Teens can sometimes be seen sitting in groups, texting each other!

There is an increasing danger that parents need to know about. Malicious predators, pretending to be peers, send out blanket text messages on cell phones same as they do over the internet, hoping some young girl will be foolish enough to respond. There is no way to stop this random messaging.

(As a side note, I recommend that every parent and teen read Josi S. Kilpack’s book, Sheep’s Clothing, which deals with similar issues in a realistic and eye-opening way.)

Our grand-daughter knows not to respond to any phone number she doesn’t recognize. She also agrees with her dad’s ‘open book’ policy; i.e. either he or she is at liberty to check each other’s text messages on a regular basis. She knows this is done out of love and concern for her safety, and so far, hasn’t complained.

Communication between parent and child is more important in 2008 than ever before. If it’s a problem in your family, please check out a previous article titled Talking to Parents Just Got Easier.

• Payment: Parting with cash is not our grand-daughter’s favorite thing, but she understands her mom and dad’s reasoning. She pays toward phone bills from her babysitting money. Not only is she learning money management when she keeps within a budget, but she also shows responsibility and proves that she’s growing up, and worthy of being treated accordingly.

It’s still good for parents to physically handle the bills, because this is another way of keeping track of where calls are going to and from, and monitoring safety while teens are still young.

Our son also limits the number of text messages received and sent, by choosing the most appropriate telephone plan, which for them is between 300 and 500 calls a month. Both he and his wife feel unlimited messages for their daughter are a bad thing, because they don’t teach control, and cause even more disruptions to family life.

• Internet on Cell: Our son considers this unwise, and only allows a phone that can receive calls and text messaging. As soon as the internet becomes part of the equation, a whole different world of danger opens up because it can’t be controlled in the same way as a computer. This is how Farmington Junior High students got into trouble.

Same thing goes for camera phones. Safe cells don’t take or receive pictures.

Games and videos with sex and violence are a possibility if a cell has access to the internet, and while console and PC games have ratings on the package, cell phone downloads do not.

I read elsewhere that child safety advocate, Parry Aftab, said, “Parents are totally clueless about what kids are doing on cell phones. They are taking pictures, surfing the Web, playing games and MP3s. They are harassing each other, cyber bullying.”

What’s the point of keeping the family computer in a place where it can be supervised, if a child’s cell phone is threatening safety where no one can see or hear?

Parents need to be aware, vigilant, and protective of their children’s vulnerability at all times and in all places. Building a good and friendly relationship with a child is the first step. Keeping updated on their technological world comes next, along with kind supervision.

• Cells & Driving: Our grand-daughter is too young to drive, but that won’t last long. Prime advice for young and older drivers is to purchase a hands free kit, or ear piece. Better still; find a place to stop, if talking is essential. Even safer, ignore the call and return it later.

Statistics show that the chance of having an accident increases by up to 400 percent when chatting on the phone.

Teens can talk non-stop for hours. How can any teen concentrate on the new skills that safe driving requires, when he or she is mentally elsewhere?

• Cell Phone Manners: Teaching teens good manners when using the cell phone can be achieved more by example than by lecture, although brainstorming ideas back and forth, can also be productive.

A good question to ask is, “How would you feel if you’d taken hours preparing a lesson, and were teaching a class in school or church, and students sat there texting each other instead of listening?”

Meal times, meetings, and movies are not the right time to receive or make calls. It’s like watching TV when visitors are trying to talk—rude, and a turn-off for any friendship, family or not.

• Other Dangers: The emission of EMR (electromagnetic radiation) from cell phones is a growing concern. However, this form of communication is not going away any time soon. For many, it is already the only phone in the house. So until a better idea comes along that gives less exposure to EMF radiation, it’s good to be aware of the dangers, and deal with them as suggested below.

1) Choose a model with a speakerphone option and good sound quality.

2) Keep the phone as far away from your body as possible. For every inch distance, the radiation exposure drops off dramatically.

3) Turn off your cell phone when not needed OR keep it a few feet away from your body. Even when not in use, but turned on, it continually emits EMR while connecting to the base station.

4) Check out a new type of headset with an air tube, such as Blue Tube, which greatly decreases radiation emissions. Some headsets actually increase transmission.

• Conclusion: Used wisely, the cell phone can be a life saver, and make communication a whole lot easier than it used to be. No more parents sitting at home worrying while junior gets held up in traffic. No more missed appointments that mom forgot to remind about before school. And no more countless other situations that modern living brings about.

But, like the good old Pony Express, it can be dangerous if handled wrong . . . and if you don’t know which end bites.

With enough knowledge, trust, and mutually agreed rules, today’s family can safely enjoy a level of communication way beyond anything the pioneers ever imagined.